New Kids Turbo

Rating: Turbo 1/4, Nitro 0,5/4.

Length: 1h 24 minutes

Directors: Steffen Haars, Flip Van der Kuil


Writers: Steffen Haars, Flip Van der Kuil

Stars: Huub Smit, Tim Haars, Wesley Van Gaalen, Steffen   Haars, Flip Van der Kuil

Country: Netherlands

9. December 2010 (Netherlands)

A sketch comedy squeezed into a full motion picture is never any good, with some exceptions of course, with that said "New Kids Turbo" isn't an exception. It follows a seemingly boring, very poorly detailed storyline. Comedy is not catastrophic, but it relies on cheap, drab insult jokes that wear off pretty quickly example: mongool, kut, lul, these words are funny for only a short period of time, but we have to hear each one of them being involved in every held conversation.

Take-off is already introducing moviemaking style very effectively, a man being hit by a car in the start is the moment when we get to know the direction of the movie, cheap and insulting comedy is what we expect to see further on. Five silly friends from a small very unrealistic Netherlands town Maaskantje are all ironically getting fired in the same time period due to economy crisis, bringing them together to live in the same house.            

As soon as the characters start to evolve we instantly  get to see the combination of bad characterization and greedy writing. All five main characters are quixotic and dumb, in fact every character in this movie is worth being in this discussion, with five main characters, full cast of complete badasses, despite being stupid, skinny and having no knowledge of fighting at all each one of them could've beat Mike Tyson in a ring, it feels like a rotten milk's aftertaste. This movie features many "DNITSIYM" moments, Do not include this shit in your movie. With one being told, shown, featured over and over again..... overuse of action heroes, it has happened since the dawn of the action genre and there's no sign of it ever stopping. Believe it or not, it's not exactly the core problem of a bad characterisation, in this case it's something far beyond, cloning Chuck Norris look alike five times and making a full motion picture out of them sounds awesome doesn't it? That being asked with sarcasm overload though.

Second big twist in the plot starts when they all refuse to pay for taxes, no matter how many times they try to explain it in this flick, it's still left very unclear. Law officials first try to negotiate with them, but they're being hit in the face and offensively called "Kuts". That outrages the government and they start to raid their house. Destroying many things, and almost murdering a "Very Important dog for the movie". Now this scene is probably the worst among the very bad. A guy that owns the dog, sees his own dog, so far we were sure that he would not do anything to hurt his dog, but in the very next moment this guy unexpectedly crushes his dog with a sofa, bravo.

Unprofessional camera angles, very poor editing, it feels like their budget was so low that they had to film the entire movie with one camera. Later on there's a war between police and a punch of retarded Hilly Billy's, that most of the story, there is a "Breaking the third wall" sequence somewhere in the middle of all this, it should have been good, it should have add something, but no it only reminds us that we are watching a TV sketch comedy. Two laughs I counted, I counted two laughs... and they were both in the first act, after that every scene loses its magic, there's no originality left and  no excitement after the first act at all. Humor is childish, odd and relies on everything that makes it weak.

When a company is losing money, and desperately needs new ideas, then make a sequel, it's a typical movie making tactic, mostly used by horror moviemakers. First one was awful, but the second one somehow made every mistake shine out more, I can mostly pare a movie till the end no matter how bad it is, with "New Kids Nitro" it was really challenging.